A Very Short Story III

She was supposed to be on her way to the cinema right now. Her friend had called her twice, asking of her where about. I'm still at the office. That was her reply that freaked her friend out. She was supposed to be on her way to the cinema. Fuck, she cursed herself. Of all day, why must it be today that I meet this annoying prick, she thought. And the thought kept running in her head. She looked at the guy's face. He was angry. The reason? He said that the gymnasium is trying to con him. What is the purpose of asking people to exercise and in the end, you are offering people drink that rich with sugar? He said that too. Right at her face. She tried to calm him down. Working at the receptionist desk is always a challenge. You meet all kinds of people. Different attitudes. Different styles. And today, she was destined to meet this guy who made a fuss on little thing. Calm down sir, she tried her best to lower her voice. Customer is always right. Customer is always right. She hummed the tune in her head. About now, she feels like punching the man right on his face, at least broken and bleeding his nose. She smiled at the chilling thought.

A Very Short Story II

A guy ensconced himself comfortably at the cinema’s seat. He smiled. If you looked at him, you know he was in a jovial mood. Why wouldn't he? Sitting at the best seat in the cinema, according to him, which is located at the center of the fifth row from the back. With popcorn and a large Coke in his hands, he waited for the movie to start. He was early. The light was still on. There was no one around, yet. He waited and waited. People started coming in. Now the cinema was almost full. Lights off. Curtains opened. He munched at his popcorn. Drank his Coke. Gulp. Gulp. Trailer after trailer was shown. Patient he believed was the best trade to be harnessed. And he had mastered the trade. Movie started. Then he sensed something was wrong. Why are the words written in Chinese, he asked himself. He fumbled in his jacket’s pocket for the ticket. In the dim light, he realized that he was in the wrong theater. He screamed hoarsely.

A Very Short Story

A guy, after a session of 30 minutes running on a treadmill followed by another 30 minutes of some weightlifting routines at his friendly gymnasium went to fetch himself a cup of water. At the water counter, there were jugs filled with plain water and various types of hot drinks that served in a thermos. He wanted none of them. After one hour of exercise, he believed only cold water that would help to quench his thirst. He moved towards the soft-drinks dispenser, courtesy of the friendly gymnasium, and perused on the drinks offered; 100 plus, he smiled. Good choice. Iced lemon tea. Not bad. Coke? What the hell? I’m busting my ass to burn my calories and now you’re offering me help on adding some more? He shook his head in disbelieved. The next day, he quitted the gym.

LELAKI KOMUNIS - HARAM

Berita pengharaman filem 'Lelaki Komunis Terakhir' mula sekali aku baca semasa menjelajah laman web imdb. Wau, laman web antarabangsa itu memuatkan berita mengenai Malaysia. Ya, reaksi pertama aku ialah teruja melihat berita filem Malaysia di dalam imdb, bukan berita perihal pengharaman itu. Kenapa? Kerana aku duduk di Malaysia dan perkara-perkara aneh ini bukan sekali dua terjadi. Ingat bagaimana Mighty MORPHIN Power Rangers diubah tajuk dan Daredevil diharamkan HANYA kerana tajuknya? Malaysia memang...unik. Kemudian hal pengharaman ini terpampang di Screenshots. Terima kasih kepada Jeff Ooi yang memberikan begitu banyak link untuk aku baca perkembangan isu ini. Antara yang mendapat perhatian aku ialah hal berkaitan artikel yang ditulis oleh wartawan Akmal Abdullah (dia lagi) di ruangan Hip- Berita Harian pada Jumaat lepas menyentuh hal ini. Sekali lagi Akmal Abdullah tersengih-sengih kerana sudah berjaya menyelamatkan orang-orang Malaysia dari belenggu fahaman komunis. Syabas Akmal. Pihak berkuasa terbabit (dalam kes ini - Ministry of Home Affairs) telah mengharamkan (ban) untuk tayangan umum. Menurut Amir Muhammad, pengharaman tersebut dibuat TANPA memeriksa isi kandungan produk tersebut. Keputusan dibuat berdasarkan HANYA beberapa artikel dari Berita Harian. Bagaimana ini boleh terjadi? Keputusan yang dibuat hanya berdasarkan andaian nyata menyerlahkan sifat takut, paranoid dan terburu-buru. Apa yang cuba dibuktikan di sini? Adakah BERITA HARIAN itu kitab muktamad untuk orang-orang Malaysia? Adakah pengharaman ini bermakna rasa patriotik terhadap negara telah dijunjung? Adakah makna Amir Muhammad tidak patriotik bila menghasilkan filem menyentuh isu komunis? Dan jika isu tersebut pun disentuh, adakah adil menghukumnya tanpa sebarang usul periksa (Dalam hal ini - 'usul periksa' yang dimaksudkan adalah menonton terlebih dahulu TANPA PREJUDIS sebelum membuat penilaian). Pihak terbabit nyata semacam tidak ambil peduli langsung untuk memeriksa apakah approach atau angle penyampaian produk Amir. Apa yang mereka tahu - filem ada tajuk komunis merbahaya untuk rakyat Malaysia dan mendakwa 'orang awam telah membantah'. 'Public Interest' - Aha, jadi lagi. Sesuatu isu berbangkit atas nama masyarakat. Sama la macam kes Kaki Kino, bila SEORANG penonton dari LIMA PULUH penonton mengadu, tiba-tiba dia (yang SEORANG) mewakili 24 juta rakyat Malaysia yang lain pula. Tidak dapat lari, aku juga akan dituduh membela filem yang mengagungkan orang-orang Komunis. Jujurnya, aku belum menonton filem ini. Makanya aku tidak tahu apa isi ceritanya. Wajarkah aku terus bersifat 'judge a film by it's title'?. Kenapa pula aku hendak membela produk yang aku belum tonton? Amir Muhammad juga bukanlah kawan aku. Aku kenal dia, dia tak kenal aku. Ia lebih menjurus tentang persoalan membuat keputusan. Matangkah kita dalam membuat keputusan yang kita sendiri tidak tahu di mana tapak pegangannya? Apa yang aku persoalankan kenapa ia dihakimi tanpa terlebih dahulu dijalankan proses kehakimannya? Adapun entri aku kali ini juga bukanlah menidakkan semangat patriotik aku. Cuma agak kesal dalam pada semua berteriak mahu menjadikan orang-orang Malaysia sebagai yang maju daya fikirnya, tapi masih ada yang semberono dalam membuat keputusan dan terburu-buru dalam mencipta andaian. Ada orang melolong marah bila orang luar memperkecilkan kita, tapi dalam pada masa yang sama banyak tindakan yang kurang arif dibuat oleh orang kita. Menuduh 'media asing' selalu membuat laporan ikut sedap otak mereka, tapi perbuatan sesetengah dari kita sama rencah dengan 'media asing'. Hasarat aku kepada mereka-mereka yang resah gelisah dengan tajuk 'Lelaki Komunis Terakhir', mungkin boleh cuba tengok dahulu apa isi dalamnya tanpa bergantung kepada laporan-laporan orang yang prejudis. Mungkin ceritanya dikaji dalam-dalam dan jika mahu diharamkan sekalipun, perlukan disertakan dengan alasan-alasan yang cukup munasabah kepada tuan empunya produk. Atau mungkin 'Lelaki Komunis Terakhir' yang diharamkan sekarang bakal menjadi salah satu filem penting 50 tahun akan datang, sama seperti Citizen Kane? Nota: Aku tidak tahu bagaimana etika kewartawanan dijalankan di Malaysia. Tapi buat kali keriga berturut-turut, saudara Akmal telah menghentam sesuatu isu tersebut tanpa berada/melihat produk yang dihentamnya. Pertama: Isu Kaki Kino dan Finas di mana kritikannya berdasarkan aduan dari SEORANG penonton, Kedua: Isu GUBRA di mana dia menghentam hanya berdasarkan ulasan tanpa menontonnya dan kali ini isu Lelaki Komunis Terakhir bila dia sendiri tidak pernah melihat isi kandungannya. Apa yang aku nampak dia sama sahaja seperti wartawan dari tabloid yang membuat laporan mengenai wujudnya Loch Ness di dalam tasik. Atau memang mungkin itu konsep yang dibawakan oleh Berita Hairan? Berita CinemaOnline Blog Lelaki Komunis Terakhir

Links

After all the hassle and tussle that have been going on these past few months regarding our film scenes; first the loathing and grunting for Yasmin Ahmad's Gubra and the accusation of promoting pornographic films that has been clouding KakiKino, it's a relieved to read the two-cents and clarification from LPF's chairman regarding the current censorship rules. You can read it here: Moving with the times And for those who is thinking of going public or out of the closet or getting an audience for your normally alone session of masturbating, why don't you check this out [via ricecooker]: Masturbate-a-thon

That Guy

I was at a mamak stall the other night downing a teh tarik with some friends and talking about movies, religion, whatever flowed organically from a combination of spirits and the click of pool balls. In the middle of Vovin's diatribe about how much Star Trek V: The Final Frontier sucked (oh yeah he went there) a guy stepped in from nowhere and said, "You're a complete fucking moron. I'm surprised you were able to make it out of your mother's basement and find the keys to your damn car so that you could come down here and bitch with your loser friends about the finest piece of cinema ever made!" Needless to say we would have been shocked if that had actually happened, but it didn't. And you know what? In real life, it probably never would. When you get two humans face to face that have never met previously, you almost never see that kind of interaction (outside of some of the finer institutions that is). If I tell someone that I'm not a Malay or Muslim, I never get called stupid and no one ever surmises that I'm going to blow up a clinic one day. Though they may have that thought running through their head, there it stays. If I said that Starship Troopers was second only to Citizen Kane only my best of friends would smack me like a little bitch. Eavesdroppers might be tempted to but they wouldn't. On this here internet you see it all the time. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't object to being passionate about movies, religion or brand of underwear. We all have our hobbies, pet peeves and deep seated neuroses, and we cling to them fiercely as is our right as homo sapiens and it's tempting to use our relative anonymity to defend it with venom. What I'm saying is that if you feel the urge to sling mud on the 'net (or anywhere else really), then hold your breath and count to ten. If you still feel that strongly then sling away, but please add something to the conversation other than a string of epithets or profanity. Don't be that guy.

Sajak buat Pencuri Kasutku

suatu malam - ketika aku ingin pulang ke kamar asingku di pinggir kota, kulihat kasut biruku di tangga masjid sudah hilang. aku tidak tahu siapa yang mencurinya kerana aku bukan seorang tuk nujum yang bisa mengenal wajah sang pencuri itu, juga tidak ada sebarang isyarat yang dapat ditangkap oleh mata lahirku untuk mengesan siapakah gerangannya. tidak mengapa, kasut yang kubeli sebelum hari raya itu, sudah bisa menghafal segenap langkahku di lorong-lorong kota Kuala Lumpur. ia telah banyak menyimpan rahsia telapak kakiku yang ada bekas luka ketika main perang di pinggir sungai, zaman kanak dahulu. aku tidak sedih kehilangan kasut biru itu. cuma aku harap kasutku itu tidak menjadi pelapik lastik untuk melastik kawanan gagak yang terbang di antara gedung-gedung pencakar langit. aku tidak mahu kasut itu bertukar menjadi merah, semerah warna darah. (minta-mintalah kasutku itu tetap berwarna biru meski telah bertukar kaki!) Zaen Kasturi, 19 Julai 1989 P/S: Apparently, Mr. Kasturi here is really a cool guy. As for me, if I found out who took my shoes, I'm gonna rip the eyes out of his/her head and piss in his/her dead skull! You fucked with the wrong lemon, motherfucker!

Titian Persona: Orang Seni

Beberapa tahun lalu, dalam satu perjumpaan PEKARTUN. Datuk Lat dengan abang ngah aku dah habis basah berlabuh punggung menunggu kartunis yang lain datang. "Apasal motherfuckers ni semua tak datang lagi hah, datuk?" abang aku soal. Dengan relaks, abang kepada Mamat Khalid tu sahut seraya tersenyum, "Biarlah... biarlah diorang lambat. Orang seni ni jiwa halus. Kang kalau ditegur, merajuk. Biarlah, biarlah." "Cis, babi punya orang seni!" bisik teman lain di sebelah; juga seorang kartunis.

Should Stupid People Die?

There is a part of me that wants all stupid people to die, and not in a particularly nice way, either. The problem with this desire is that were I to have my way nearly every person on the planet would be eradicated. Myself included. You see, I’m starting to understand that stupidity itself is the real culprit here, and not necessarily the people it infects. Everyone at some point in their lives have all fallen prey to one of our oldest adversaries, so I’m slowly becoming dubious about destroying these people because some of them simply can’t help it. I’m not certain I believe that some people are inherently stupid, I just think some choose to handle it in different ways, and that’s where the difference lies. Whenever stupidity attacks, some are able to fend off 90-95% of it (based on findings by ancient scientists). Of course, some of the infection is able to get through, and that’s where you get a dumb remark here, or silly act there. Something like that. It doesn’t have to be a big thing to qualify as a act of stupidity, it all depends on the degree. For instance, when some are hit by the stupidity bug they are able to navigate through the labyrinth of idiocy and come out on the other side only slightly scathed. The symptoms of this are accidentally saying the wrong thing at a party, things like “Oh, I think Ibnor Riza's great!”. That would most likely get you a punch in the face, but in the grand scheme of things while it’s a rather small hiccup it is still a side affect of that person’s bout with stupidity. Once bitten, it’s difficult to fully shake the effects for a few day. On the flip side, some humans don’t react so well once stupidity has entered their thought patterns. The bad news is that these people are insanely more dangerous than the first. And while it may seem as though there are more of these types of people, I’m not sure I agree. It could simply be that because these folks are too weak to fend off the assault, that their acts are highlighted for all to see. An example of this would be someone who is prone to attacks of reckless driving. These people have obviously surrendered totally to their new master. They are the ones who decide it’s a brilliant idea to weave in and out of grid locked traffic at 3,000mph. Because, as we all know, it’s better to be three cars ahead and at a dead standstill, than be three cars behind at a dead standstill. Actually, those types of people should be destroyed because they are a danger to others around them. Other things to look for are people who habitually ask obvious and (of course) stupid questions. Now, these demonic beings usually populate shopping areas, such as Malls, and their sole purpose appears to be nothing short of harassing store employees. These insipid creatures also hold up lines for no good reason, or hold up parking lot traffic because they absolutely MUST have the parking spot closest to the store. God forbid they actually have to use their legs to propel them to their destination of commerce. While these people are to be pitied, they should also have their skin ripped from their bones by a torrent of wind. I know what you’re saying, you’re saying “hey, that’s too light a punishment for that kind of person”, but you must understand that we have to take the high road and at least try to be sympathetic towards them. All it would take for one of us to be turned into one of them would be a momentary lapsing of the guard whenever a bout of stupidity came along. These people should be looked upon as a warning, and not an enemy. So continue the fight against stupidity, and while you won’t totally win each battle you can at least decrease the damage done by it, thus lowering the number of stupid people in the world without raising a fist in anger. Good luck.

Titian Persona: Belajar

Beberapa hari selepas menara berkembar WTC roboh di pusat Manhattan. Balai Budaya Tun Syed Nasir. Majlis perkahwinan abang aku (belah lelaki). "Tak... tak perlu belajar di institusi. Gunakan pengalaman; pengalaman tu guru terbaik sepanjang zaman. " Datuk Kemala bercerita pasal bidang pengarangan dekat aku. Aku tercengang. Dua tahun sebelum itu, di Jalan Dewan Bahasa (yang dahulunya dikenali sebagai Jalan Lapangan Terbang Lama). Seperti lazimnya, di sebuah kedai mamak dekat sebelah Wisma Mirama. "Nak buat filem? Serius anak kau nak buat filem? Tak payah belajar pasal kamera, tak payah belajar pasal lighting, tak payah belajar pasal penulisan skrip; suruh dia belajar psikologi." Bapak aku tercengang.

Titian Persona: Art

Sebuah kedai kopi Cina dekat Flat Choo Ching Kei di Jalan Lapangan Terbang Lama. Sekitar awal 70-an. "Hish, lama betul tangan ni tak pegang berus; lagi makin jauhlah jiwa aku ni dengan art," luah bapak aku. Latiff Mohidin hanya tersengih secuil sambil menjawab, "Jangan risau, hidup hari-hari melangok macam ni pun art jugak."

FILEM PENDEK JERMAN

SHORT & SWEET II: Short Films from Germany A program of 27 short films giving an overview of short film production and development in Germany during the last few years. The films are divided into 4 packages on different themes: YOU AND ME; CLOSE TO HOME AND FAR AWAY; YOUNG AND OLD; and SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO. They will be screened over 4 days and culminate with the award of prizes to the winners of the TUDUNG SHORT FILM COMPETITION and followed by the screening of the Tudung competition entries. Organised by Kelab Seni feilem Malaysia, in cooperation with Goethe-Institut Kuala Lumpur. The Screening Schedule Tues 9 May 8.00pm - SHORT & SWEET: You and Me Wed 10 May 8.00pm - SHORT & SWEET: Close to Home and Far Away Thurs 11 May 8.00pm - SHORT & SWEET: Young and Old Sat 13 May 3.00pm - SHORT & SWEET: Should I Stay or Should I Go Sat 13 May 5.30pm - Tudung Short Film Competition Awards by Dr Volker Wolf, Director of Goethe-Institut Kuala Lumpur 6.00pm - Screening of Tudung Short Film Competition entries F R E E A D M I S S I O N -- A L L W E L C O M E Enquiries 012-2255136.